Suffering From Tiger Withdrawal?

Or even if you’re not, it’s probably a good idea to get know some of the rank and file on the PGA Tour.  So many of these guys seem to run together - they’re all pleats and polos and yawn.  I thought I’d give a few reference points, some look alikes, to help you remember who’s who.  Again, these are the lesser known guys.  We know Tiger looks like Ruthie from the Real World, Jim Furyk looks like that muppet eagle, Nick Faldo looks like Harrison Ford, and Ernie Els looks like a sea bass.

Bob Tway, winner of eight PGA events, including the 1986 PGA Championship, where he famously holed out from a bunker to clown Greg Norman.

I’m sure he won’t mind the comparison to Dirk Diggler, but let’s not carried away, Bob.  Hard to believe, but neither man is wearing a wig here.

Tag Ridings, winner of not just a whole lot.  But look at this…

Is Tag holding a bobblehead of Dwight or Dwight holding a bobblehead of Tag?

Carl Pettersson, winner of two PGA Tour events…

And good old loveable Uter from the Simpsons.  That’s uncanny.  You know Carl would trade that trophy for a bag of cookies.  Chocolate cookies.  You can almost see the permanent brown ring around his mouth.

Rory Sabbatini, winner of four PGA Tour events.  Not necessarily lesser known, though he’s known for the wrong reasons.  See:  Being a giant asshead.  Anyway…

Rory is an RBOGH - Rare Breed Of Giant Hobbit - unlike Bilbo Baggins, pictured here, who is your standard Hobbit.  You want proof?  He dines on live, full sized kangaroos.  Everyone knows RBOGHs eat big roos.

Paul Goydos, winner of two PGA Tour events.  Great guy, but…

He looks just like a weeble wobble.

2008 US Open - The Grades

What an amazing tournament.  The grades…

Tiger Woods - A

It says a lot about the current state of the internet (and media in general, I suppose) that for as many people who praise Tiger for playing through the pain, there are at least as many calling bullshit.  It’s trendy to be bitter and cynical and play the devil’s advocate.  I’ll be the first to admit, Tiger has a flair for the overly dramatic.  And I don’t just mean canning putts on the 18th hole.  When he gets sand in his eyes after a bunker shot, he acts as if he’s been maced.  When he needs to hit a big draw or cut, his finish is comically exaggerated.   When he misses a putt, even early in a tournament, his knees buckle and he grimaces.  And so it came to pass at Torrey Pines.  Before he got his pain meds figured out halfway through Sunday’s round, he was doubled over half the time.  Was he in pain?  Of course.  Probably a lot.  Would someone else in the same situation have reacted the same way?  Hard to say, but I don’t think anyone else would have been more theatric.  What gets lost in all these discussions is that he won the US Open.  Forget his knee.  He won.  Tiger himself stated people play in pain all the time and his pain is no worse than anyone else’s.  Remember the crazy putts he made.  Remember the shorter putts he had to make.  Remember how quickly he made you forget about Lee Westwood.  Mostly, though, take this away:   Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open for his 14th career major at the age of 32. 

Rocco Mediate - A

Speaking of cynical, I was skeptical of Rocco’s act.  After watching him handle himself on the course and in interviews over the past three days, I bought in.  Sure, he’s a little annoying.  The happy go lucky, over the hill, paunchy, fast playing thing got beat to death - and it’s not completely his fault.  Unlike other sports, golf suffers from a lack of distinguishing characters.  When someone doesn’t act like Davis Love, he is likened to Hunter S. Thompson.  Case in point:  Woody Austin.  Bend a putter over your head, say Tiger is human, and fall in a pond (over the course of 11 years) and all of a sudden you’re a raving lunatic.   Anyway, Rocco played out of his mind.  His putt on 15 in the playoff after Tiger hit that inhuman fairway bunker shot should be considered the best punch ever thrown at Tiger.  Bigger than May canning that putt on 18 at Valhalla.  The course set up couldn’t have been any better for him on Sunday and Monday.  Add 400 yards, which they could have, and the tournament would have ended Sunday.  Rocco fits the mold of the best Tiger challengers through the years.  It’s interesting that the guys (Bob May, Chris DiMarco, Rocco) who supposedly have no business playing the same tees as Tiger are the ones to give him the most trouble. 

Phil Mickelson - C-

You can want something too much - and Mickelson did.  It’s hard to win a golf tournament on the longest course played in major championship history without a driver the first two rounds.  Regardless of what all the sycophants say, he doesn’t need  that many wedges.  He just doesn’t.  You can open or close a club face.  Especially when you’re one of the two best players in the world.  It’s hard to knock a hall of famer who has won 34 tournaments and three majors before the age of 40.  But he’s just so unbelievably full of shit.  He begs to be questioned.  He’s either playing two drivers or no drivers or seven wedges or predicting the Superbowl winner in August or growing a full inch at the age of 38.   Is Mickelson ever going to win a US Open?

Torrey Pines - A-

The USGA went easy on ‘em.  Or easier, anyway.  I thought it could have played more difficult on Sunday and/or Monday.  There were loads of red numbers on Sunday, however very few among the contenders.  I thought the 14th was a joke Sunday and Monday.  I like a driveable par 4 as much as the next guy.  But 267 yards?  That’s a bunt three wood for most of these guys.  Overall it was a great test.  They won’t say it, but the USGA’s goal is to have the winner post Even for four days.  They missed by a shot.  Not bad.

Tiger’s Knee - C

I’ve had two surgeries on my left knee due to cartilage issues.  The first time I had the microfracture procedure - same as Greg Oden and Amare Stoudamaire.  They drill holes in the problem area on your knee to encourage blood flow which, ideally, turns to scar tissue and acts as a cartilage substitute.  This is invasive and takes six or seven months to rehab and get back to normal.  You’re not guaranteed anything - cartilage issues are a real bitch - they don’t go away.  There’s no blood flow, it doesn’t grow.  I’ve also had a simple scope.  Which is what Tiger claims to have had - I was walking without crutches 24 hours after the procedure - played golf a week after that.  I’ll be the first to admit that I’m in better shape and more mentally tough than Tiger (and we’re about the same age), so I’ll spot him a few days.  But I do know this:  Tiger did not just have a scope nine weeks ago.  He didn’t have microfracture or carticel (where they harverst cartilage and grow it in a lab and put it back in your knee - that rehab is more extensive than microfracture) because that would have cost him the rest of the year.  He’s obviously experiencing some serious problems with that knee.  Did he do permanent damage this weekend?  Nah.  He surely delayed his recovery period.   I’m guessing the doctors will tell him running five miles a day is about the worst thing he can do for it.  He’ll start riding a bike pretty soon.  Probably with Lance Armstrong.  Unless technology finds a cure, Tiger will deal with pain in that left knee for the rest of his playing career.  It does not bode well for his longevity.  His appearances will dwindle even more.  A different way to let the legend grow, I suppose.

Congrats to Tiger Woods on 2008 US Open victory

A valiant effort by Rocco Mediate, but that was one of the finest wins in Tiger’s illustrious golf career.  To overcome the knee pain, stay focused and win against a competitor who just wouldn’t fold, simply superb by El Tigre.  Like Michael Jordan after he defeated the Utah Jazz in the NBA Finals while playing with the flu, Tiger now too has an incredible story of upcoming a severe ailment to win at the highest level.

Not only is it his 14th major tournament victory, but he gets to go home to his wife Elin Nordgren.

Winning 14 majors is pretty good, but being married to Elin is excellent.

2008 US Open - The Preview

Let’s give Tiger and Phil the benefit of the doubt and declare them favorites 1A an 1B.

The build up has been intense, especially since the pairings were released.  In the past month, Tiger has played very little golf and kept to himself.  Mickelson won the Colonial and, more impressively, claimed to have grown an inch thanks to a new stretching routine.  Seriously.  Can’t you just see Tiger reading that on his couch in his mansion and saying to no one in particular:  “Sweet Jesus, he’s more full of shit than I thought.”  Mickelson’s bullshit aside, we’re at a really good point in time for professional golf.  Mickelson has siginficantly widened the gap between himself and third in the world rankings and at the same time cut into Tiger’s giant lead.  Right now, more than ever, it’s Tiger and Phil and everyone else.  Speaking of everyone else… 

Five (Others) Who Can

Vijay Singh - There have been only a handful of major champions over 45.  Granted, Vijay at 45 is in better shape than just about everyone over 30.  He still lives and dies with the putter, though his ballstriking clearly isn’t what it used to be.  His nine win, 2004 campaign seems like a decade ago.  Finished a shot out of the playoff last week.  Has been good, not great, so far this year with three top-3s and nine top-25s in 13 starts.  He’s still plenty long to handle Torrey Pines.   He’s never bought into Mickelson’s bullshit (which is why old Coach likes him so much) and he’s the only player this century to dethrone Tiger.  Mental toughness is never an issue.

 

Padraig Harrington - Paddy has been solid since his victory at Carnoustie last year, including a T5 at Augusta two months ago.  He also finished a shot out of the playoff last week.  Not the longest hitter in the world, he hits it straight and doesn’t mind major championship pressure.  When he gets hot with the putter, there aren’t many better.  He has a spotty record in the US Open, with as many missed cuts as top tens (four).  However, his record in the Open Championship going into last year’s tournament was worse. 

A European has to win the US Open sooner or later, right?  It’s been 38 years.

Paul Casey - Only one top ten on the US tour this season.  His US Open record is blah - one top ten - T10 last year at Oakmont.  However, one thing stuck out about that tenth place showing - the low round of the tournament: a 66 in absolutely brutal conditions.  If the wind blows and the fairways dry out over the weekend, Casey can handle the difficult conditions.  The only other time he’s played the weekend at a US Open was 2006 at Winged Foot - where he finished 15th in equally brutal conditions.  He likes it difficult.  And he’s plenty long.

Bubba Watson - He’s played in a total of four majors, with two missed cuts, a 20th at Augusta this year and an impresssive T5 at Oakmont last year.  Bottom line, the longer they make the course, the better chance he’s going to have.  Do I think he has the mental toughness to get it done on Sunday?  Not exactly.  However, I didn’t think Cabrera had it in him last year.  Or Immelman or Zack Johnson, to name a few other recent first time major winners.  Plus, Bubba plays with Tiger all the time, including practice rounds this week.  That’s worth a shot a side right there.

Crazier things have happened.

Geoff Ogilvy - Derailed the Tiger train at Doral this year.  No reason he can’t take Him down at another of His favorite tracks.  He’s long enough, he’s been there before, and he’s crafty from the rough - a must at US Opens.  Adam Scott gets more press, but Ogilvy is the best Aussie on tour right now.  Unlike a few of my other selections, a win by Ogilvy wouldn’t be a surprise.  And that’s saying something at this particular US Open.

Five Who Can’t

Ernie Els - Sadly, Ernie is becoming a regular in this section.  He did win at the Honda earlier this season, but it’s been mostly bad for the Big Easy, missing the cut in four of eight starts on the US tour.  Still prone to the big miss left.  Things haven’t been right since the knee injury.  Have we seen the last of Ernie competing at a major?

Adam Scott - You don’t win the US Open with a broken finger.  I’m not sure how you play in a US Open with a broken finger.  One nasty lie and this could be a WD for young Adam.   The advantage to withdrawing is he’s less likely to get trampled by the masses following Tiger and Phil.

Jim Furyk - Simply put, the course is too long.  He’d have to be playing his absolute best and 2008 has been a season to forget for the normally consistent Furyk.  His scoring average is almost a full stroke higher than 2007 and, accordingly, his world ranking has dropped all the way to tenth.  Keep in mind he was second in the rankings this time last year.

Sergio Garcia - Sergio hasn’t received much love here at DontCostNothing.com.  All the game in the world + awful attitude = no majors.  He’s thrown shoes and spit in holes and blamed everyone but himself along the way.  Yes, the banana in the mouth of the monkey on his back fell out with the Players victory last month.  But the major monkey remains in place.  He’ll win one some day - it’ll be a British Open and he’ll need a four shot lead going to the back.  The US Open tests patience.  And for all his talent, he still hasn’t figured that part out.

Kenny Perry - One of the five or so hottest players in the world, an American no less, is skipping the US Open because he doesn’t like Torrey Pines.  Wow.  If I’m Paul Azinger, and every day I thank the lord I’m not, I’m not chomping at the bit to have a guy on my Ryder Cup team who opts out of qualifying for a major in his own country.  Boo.

Tiger and Phil - Paired at Torrey Pines

Tiger and Phil (along with ‘also ran’ Adam Scott) will play together in the first two rounds of the US Open at Torrey Pines, which starts Thursday, June 12th.  The actual tee times have yet to be released.

Mike Davis, the senior director of rules and competion for the USGA, told AP the following:

“Why not put them in the same wave?  The heck with what TV wants. Let’s do what we want for the championship.”

Bravo, Mr. Davis. 

Despite that picture, everyone knows Tiger and Phil aren’t best friends.  Both have had a ton of success at Torrey Pines, dating back to their junior golf days.  This is too good. 

Much more to come from DontCostNothing about next week’s US Open. 

 

A soccer team full of hot chicks

I think this is an idea that could work, I would watch a match featuring these lovely ladies.  Heck the idea might even be so good that it could cheer up poor John Terry, who blew the UEFA Cup for Chelsea a week ago.

Nothing like a bunch of good looking women in uniform.

Sergio Garcia finally gets something right

Sergio Garcia has fallen won a Major…er, wellit’s almost a Major and probably as close as the young Spaniard will ever get.  Sergio made a par on 18 in regulation to find his way into a Playoff and then made a beautiful birdie on #17 at TPC Sawgrass to win the The Players Championship.  The tournament is commonly referred to as the “Fifthmajor” so I’m going to give Sergio partial credit on winning a Major golf tournament, because it’s probably as close as El Nino will ever get to one.

I will give Sergio genuine credit for one thing, at least he was big enough to give credit to the real reason he won the Players Championship.  Sergio said this following his victory, “First of all, I want to thank Tiger for not being here.“

Enjoy your trophy from the TPC, because Tiger will be back in the field at Torrey Pines.
(Photo courtesy NYDailyNews)

No shirt, no shoes…just golf

I feel for you if you’re not a John Daly fan, because the guy has character. How many other pro golfers, or pro athletes, would play a round of golf with a reporter…and not put on their shoes or shirt?  Dennis Rodman?  John Riggins?  It’s gotta be a pretty short list. 

 How many “cold ones” do you think Daly had before filming this piece?

Ronaldo hooking up with trannies

A funny storysurfaced about international soccer star, Ronaldo, hooking up with a couple of transvestites.  Apparently he didn’t realize the chicks were she-males, but they knew who Ronaldo was.  Because the dudes tried to extort Ronaldo to keep the story out of the press.  I guess that plan, keeping it out of the press, didn’t work. 

My biggest reaction to this story had nothing to do with the trannies, because I hear they are quite deceptive in Brazil.  I was more shocked at how much Ronaldo has let himself go.  Ronaldo always had funky hair, but what the fuck is he thinking these days.

Ronaldo needs a haircut or a comb (photo courtesy of Brahsome)

Ashley Force & Danica Patrick separated at birth?

This past weekend Ashley Force became the first female driver to ever win an NHRA funny car event.  Ashley won the Summit Racing Equipment NHRA Southern Nationals in Commerce, Georgia.  Her win comes a few weeks after Danica Patrick became the first woman to ever win an Indy Car Race, which Danica’s win at the Japan 300.  Holy Natalie Gulbis, the hot chicks are finally starting to win.

So what got into these two lead footed hotties?  And a better question would be has anyone ever seen Ashley Force & Danica Patrick in the same room, at the same time?

Ashley Force

Danica Patrick

Truthfully I think Ashley Force is a lot hotter.  The big question is how long will it be until someone convinces Ashley, or one of her sisters below, to lean over the front of her car and show off her ass like Danica did for FHM magazine.  I’m predicting that day is coming very soon.

Danica Patrick showing off her ass crack for FHM magazine

Ashley’s sister, Brittany Force in red and her sister Courtney Force in blue

I’m proud that I got through that entire piece without using the phrase “she really knows how to work a gear shift”.  Who do you think is hotter - Danica Patrick or Ashley Force?