Congrats to Tiger Woods on 2008 US Open victory

A valiant effort by Rocco Mediate, but that was one of the finest wins in Tiger’s illustrious golf career.  To overcome the knee pain, stay focused and win against a competitor who just wouldn’t fold, simply superb by El Tigre.  Like Michael Jordan after he defeated the Utah Jazz in the NBA Finals while playing with the flu, Tiger now too has an incredible story of upcoming a severe ailment to win at the highest level.

Not only is it his 14th major tournament victory, but he gets to go home to his wife Elin Nordgren.

Winning 14 majors is pretty good, but being married to Elin is excellent.

Say it ain’t so Scarlett Johansson

A sad day for men all over the World, Scarlett Johansson is officially off the market.  Scarlett and Ryan Reynolds are engaged.

Hottie Scarlett Johansson is off the market (photo courtesy: AskMen)

I guess the only good news is that Scarlett has said she doesn’t believe in monogamy.  So maybe there’s still a chance…

Tennis superstar + hack golfer = love?

ESPN.com had a column about Trip Kuehne’s last time playing the Masters.  The column, by Gene “Prone to Sensationalism” Wojciechowski, was a trip down memory lane to a time when Trip lost to Tiger Woods in the US Amateur.

But it wasn’t the part about Trip or Tiger that caught my attention.  What made me say ‘what?’ was reading that Venus Williams was in Trip’s gallery.  So now I’m confused why a Wimblendon is following around an amateur golfer.  Did Venue get lost trying to find Ernie or Phil’s group?  Did Trip win one of those ‘hang with a star for a day’ that Make-A-Wish does?  Did Venus forget her glasses and think “Trip Kuehne” said “Tiger Woods”?

The story reveals that Venus is there with Trip’s brother, Hank Kuehne.  Hank’s a professional golfer who has yet to make hay on the Nationwide Tour.  So I’m thinking that maybe Hank retired from golf and is persuing a career as a sports agent.  Maybe he’s trying to woo Venue to be one of his clients.  Wrong again.

Turns out Hank Kuehne and Venus Williams are an item.  They’ve been dating for some time, and purportedly (Wikipedia) got engaged in January.  I was a bit surprised by this discovery.  Not because he’s white and she’s black, that’s not an issue.  But because she’s a superstar athlete and he’s just a regular athlete, and “regular” might be stretching it if he doesn’t win a few Nationwide events soon.

Is there anything wrong with an attractive female, megastar tennis player dating a Q School regular?  No, but I guess I figured Venue would have her pick of top-shelf athletes and celebrities.  After all her sister, Serena, dated NBA-star Chris Webber, mega-producer Brett Ratner and rapper Common.  So I just assumed big sis Venus would have a bigger name boyfriend/fiance/husband.

Nothing against Hank, I’m sure he’s a fantastic guy (although I think Coach takes him with 2 a side).  I guess it just proves that relationships are hard to predict.  So now I must wish Hank & Venus success in their marriage & life.

Venus Williams & Hank Kuehne

Greg Norman needs to bang hot Supermodels

Why is The Shark marrying Chris Evert?

So the word on the streets is that former golf great Greg Norman (aka: The Shark) is engaged to marry former tennis great Chris Evert. The question on everyone’s mind is WHY?

No doubt Chris Evert was a babe in her heyday. And even today she looks great for her age (52), and probably has a cool personality. But Norman is a 52 year old man, with a full head of hair, who’s worth 1/2 a billion dollars. Let me say that again, The Shark is a pretty good looking dude who’s worth $500 Million dollars. So why is he marrying someone his same age? And if he just got out of a 25 year marriage, why is he planning to wed again so quickly?

Greg, please go out and bang every hot piece of ass you can find. And if you were a troll, you could buy any chick you wanted. And don’t even think about marriage for another 10+ years. Live the goodlife, party with P Diddy and 50. Drink Cristal out of a supermodels navel while you cruise the French Riviera for more hot models to bang. Just live baby!

Okay, I need someone to explain this to me because obviously I can’t understand it. Again, I’m sure Chris Evert is a great lady (notice I said “lady” and not chick or girl…there’s that age thing again), and maybe she even let’s him invite hot chicks in for threesomes. But still, why get married again so quickly? It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

Chris Evert playing tennis in her prime.

Chris Evert & Greg Norman are the same age (52).

This decision could turn out to be as big a disaster as his collapse at the 1996 Masters

Here are a sampling of the hot chicks (i.e.- models) that Greg Norman could be banging:

Hot Australian supermodel Megan Gale

Hot South African model, Candice Swanepoel

Babelicious model Barbara Stoyanoff

Model Bree Conden

Hot French model Jennifer Lamiraqui

Brazilian model Caroline Francischini

English model Abigail Clancy

Model Alina Vacariu

So Greg, for the love of God please consider what you are doing. You are a relatively young, super rich dude. Please put the marriage on hold and go out and bang some hotties.

If you’re not into blow-up dolls…

 

…consider the girlfriend pillow.  She’s scantily clad, she vibrates, and most importantly, she doesn’t complain.

Do you have that one buddy that has given up on ever getting laid, and just wants a little companionship? Is your wife always on the phone or out of town?   The girlfriend pillow will be there for you.

Granted, if your wife catches you with this thing you’re basically guaranteeing yourself no sex for a year, but then again if you were getting enough sex, you wouldn’t have the pillow in the first place.

Like the iPhone, I’m waiting for the second generation.  Rumor has it they may make that hand able to grip and tug.

Buy it here.

10 Most Expensive Celebrity Divorces of All-Time

Why is Juanita Vanoy Jordan smiling?

Because she stands to land millions from her divorce from Michael Jordan. Reports estimate Juanita could get upwards of $150 Million dollars in her divorice settlement with MJ. His Airness and Juanita were married in 1989, so that’s almost $11 Mil per year. Or $50 Million per kid (they have 3 children together). At $150 Million this will easily be the largest celebrity divorce of all-time.

Unless…the Paul McCartney and Heather Mills divorce tops it? Or, it’s topped by the next huge celeb divorce. Because the two constants in the celebrity and entertainment world are that; the money keeps getting bigger and the divorce’s keep getting nastier. See Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger’s custody dispute as proof splits are more nasty than they’ve ever been.

According to Forbes magazine, the other top 10 most expensive divorces in entertainment history are:

2) Neil Diamond’s divorce from Marcia Murphey in 1995. It cost Neil an estimated $150 million. That could buy a lot of red, red wine.

3) Movie mogul, Steven Spielberg’s divorce from his ex-wife Amy Irving cost an estimated $100 million. That amount was half of the fortune Spielberg had amassed. Although it occurred in 1989 and Steve has earned that money back many times over since then. Spielberg’s net worth today is estimated to be north of $3 billion dollars.

4) Harrison Ford paid out $85 mil when he divorced wife Melissa Mathison.

5) Kevin Costner gave up $80 million bucks to Cindy Silva when they split.

6) It’s estimated that Paul McCartney will pay approximately $60 million to Heather Mills to settle their case. Which would rank 6th all-time in celeb divorce totals. Although, the number could wind up much higher and move Sir Paul up the list. Lesson to those rich ex-Beatles out there, always sign a pre-nup.

7) Mega movie maker, James Cameron, paid his ex-wife the ex-actress, Linda Hamilton, more than $50 million.

8.) Michael Douglas paid his ex, Diandra Douglas, $45 mil. He also threw in a couple of mansions. Then Michael went and married young hottie, Catherine Zeta Jones. That’s a good way to heal the pain from writing those big divorce checks.

Michael looks like he’s recovering nicely from his divorce to Diandra.

9) Hello…is it me you’re looking for? Lionel Richie paid his ex-wife, Diane Richie over $20 million to settle. Then Lionel’s daughter Nicole spent another $20 million of Lionel’s money on bad clothes.

Yikes Nicole, what were you thinking when you got dressed?

10) British rocker, Mick Jagger, has been famous for his inability to “keep it in his pants”. Those infidelities cost him approximately $20 million bucks (dollars, not pounds) when his ex-wife and model Jerry Hall filed for divorce.

So fellas what’s the lesson to be learned here? If you are a very rich dude, then treat your lady right or you may pay out the nose. Either that, or make sure you get a pre-nuptial agreement and a team of very good lawyers.

What Type of Guy Goes to a Strip Club?

The Strip Club industry is multi-Billion dollar business. There are thousands of Gentlemen’s Clubs across the country, and the majority of them are packed every Friday and Saturday night. So who are the guys who are filling up these Strip Clubs?

After doing extensive research over the course of my life (aka: I’ve been to plenty of Titty Bars), I feel like I’ve established the four personality types that inhabit all Strip Clubs.

The four types of Strip Club guys are:

1st type: The hardcore loser who’s a “regular” at the Strip Club. He’s there every day after work boozing it up and chatting with the girls. He knows all of the strippers and they all know him by name. This guy usually thinks he’s going to marry one of the girls one day. And he spends all his money on the girls in the club, even though he works a blue collar job and can’t afford to blow his money like that. These poor spending habits mean that he probably lives in a rented one-bedroom apartment with no food in the fridge. You can usually find this guy at the club on all major holidays celebrating with his strip club “family”. His life basically revolves around the place. And he’s probably an alcoholic to boot. He usually shows up at the Strip Club sober (shudder) and leaves it drunk He spends 4 to 5 days a week in that dark, smokey environment. The “regular” accounts for approximately 10% of the guys in a Strip Club. Their percentage is highest during happy hour.

2nd type: The guy who’s just way too into it. This is the guy who walks in to the Strip Club, immediately pulses out $500 and then scans the room for his “girl”. He’ll then take his “girl” into a corner booth and sit with her, feeding her $20’s, for the rest of the night. Also known as, the ATM Machine Guy for his habit of dispensing $20’s so quickly. At the end of the night, he’ll get up and leave with absolutely no cash in his pocket and no stripper on his arm. I know these guys (yes, I have friends) and they typically pick out the Strippers dressed as School Girls or Britney Spears. They can be relatively normal guys in life, but as soon as they pass through the doors of the Gentlemen’s Club - they change. They have a one-track mind, and that mind is focused on spending 4 hours with a lady who gets paid by the song. If he’s not in the corner, this is the guy who’ll often make a couple of visits to the Champaign Room with his “girl”. This “intense” guy probably accounts for 25% of the patrons at a Strip Club.

3rd Type: The guy who goes because he hates his life. This guy takes everything way too serious. He’s the guy who treats the strippers really crappy and is mad whenever he’s gotta pay for dances. He’ll constantly be asking the strippers to give him a “free dance”. And “free dances” do not exist in a Strip Club, even if your name is Vin Diesel - all guys gotta pay. This guy always seems to be angry and have a chip on his shoulder. He’ll often complain about his wife and family. And he’s prone to making loud, very ‘off color’ jokes that only he thinks are funny. He’s generally not very friendly to hang around and often might be the guy who tries to get in a fight. And he definitely will get too drunk and too “handy” with the girls. Bouncers watch out for these guys, because they know they gotta keep them in-line. He’s also most likely to ask one of the girls out on a date. About 25% of the guys in a Strip Club are this “Too Serious” guy.

4th Type: The fun loving Strip Club guy. Or, as I like to call it - the Normal Guy in a Strip Club. This is the guy who goes to strip clubs because they are a place to have some fun. Gentlemen’s Clubs are just a place to blow off some steam to these guys. How do I know? Because I’m this guy in the Strip Club. Do I love my wife? Yes. So why am I at a strip club? Because it’s funny. Would I ever go by myself? Hell no. I go with friends because we have a good time, see some funny shit, and spend the whole night laughing and having some overpriced drinks. We’re not there to fall in love. We’re not there because we expect to find a soulmate. We understand the score of the game - we’re there to have fun and the Strippers are there to make money - so it makes the whole process a lot more simple. There’s no “Hey, I think that girl really loves me” moments. This guy never goes to a Strip Club unless he’s already drunk. And you’ll probably only find him in the Strip Club on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday. You also might occasionally see a group of these guys at the Strip Club for lunch on a weekday. This “Fun Loving” guy makes up about 40% of the population of the Strip Club.

Which one are you?

* If you are The Regular (#1), then you probably can’t change. You are miserable and looking for companionship But you need to realize that you can pour just as much money into other avenues (like a Church) and probably stand a better chance of getting laid. So go seek out some new, more healthy way to find companionship. And lay off the booze a bit.

* If you are The Really Into guy (#2), then you are blind to your own behavior, so don’t really know you are that way. And even if you weren’t oblivious to your behavior, you would never admit that you act that way in a Strip Club. So just keep on living in denial, pal.

* If you are Hating Life guy (#3), then you are most likely an asshole in life anyway. So nothing I say here is going to change you. Good luck with your bitter life and stay the fuck away from me.

* If you are The Normal, Fun Loving guy (#4), then party on dude! But just remember that it’s about having fun, but the party always has to end at some point. So be careful not to overdue it to where you morph into one of the other 3 Strip Club personality types. If you find yourself craving being at the Strip Club on a Tuesday afternoon, then seek help immediately.

And remember fellas, these ladies are trained pros. They are not there to “earn money for college” or because they are saving up to go to Med School. Most of the strippers are chicks with substance abuse problems, who probably have a trashy boyfriend that they hate. Their only job in life is to get that $20.00 out of your hand and into their G-String. Period! Don’t forget that. You don’t have to hate them, in-fact I suggest that you are always very nice to them, but you do have to know why they are there. And know why you are there.

Top 15 Signs that you’re a Strip Club addict:
1. You go to strip clubs by yourself.
2. You go to strip clubs during daylight hours.
3. You go to strip clubs on Sunday through Wednesday.
4. All of the girls at the strip club know your name.
5. You’ve got a reserved stool at the bar at the strip club.
6. You eat lunch or dinner there at least once a week.
7. There is a drink or food item on the menu named after you.
8. You’ve been invited to a party outside of the strip club, by someone who works there.
9. You have been to the strip club for a holiday party.
10. You take your Christmas presents to the Titty Bar to be wrapped by strippers.
12. You carry the strip club “bucks” around in your wallet at all times.
13. The strip club bartender has your drink waiting for you, before you sit down at the bar.
14. You have the phone number to the strip club on speed dial in your cell phone.
15. You own more than one t-shirt with the strip club’s logo on it.
16. The staff of the strip club surprises you with a cake on your birthday.

More on strip clubs? Find out if women should hate that their men go to strip clubs.

Should Women Hate that Men go to Strip Clubs?

I recently wrote a piece on Rules for a Bachelor Party. In that I wrote that having Strippers or visiting a Strip Club was essential for a good Bachelor Party. Which led me to this line of thought - why do women get mad that men like to visit Strip Clubs?

So the $24K question is: Should women hate that guys like to go to Strip Clubs?

The answer: No, no again and hell no.

Gentlemen’s Clubs offer plenty of unique entertainment.

In my life I’ve had plenty of experiences in both bars and strip clubs. I would never characterize myself as a ’strip club guy’, but I certainly saw my share of boobs and heard Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” a few times. So I feel like my experiences make me somewhat of an expert on the subject, although I’ll be the first to admit that every guy is different. And there has gotta be some basic moral fiber in a guy, that tells them not to cheat on their lady, no matter where he’s hanging out drinking. So if a guy doesn’t have that, your screwed regardless of where he hangs out. But assuming most guys do, let’s move on to the issue.

What are the common reasons that wives and girlfriends hate their guy going to the Strip Club?

1) It’s uncomfortable for the women to think of another woman waving her tits in their guy’s face.
* Yes, sure I get it. Why buy the milk when you’ve already have got a cow at home, right? Wait, that came out wrong.
But seriously, the strip club experience is more than just boobs and ass. Guys go to the strip club because it’s an entertaining diversion. I’m not going to fall in love with a stripper, I’m going there to have some laughs with the fellas. Sure, I might get a lap dance or two, but it’s just part of the show. I’m not making out with strippers or putting my fingers where they don’t belong. Furthermore, seeing boobies is something that is etched in to a man’s DNA when he’s born. We just like seeing boobies, it doesn’t mean we prefer those other (stripper) boobies to the one’s we’ve got at home. They are just different (aka: strange) boobs. So no reason to get jealous. Plus, with the ‘no touching’ laws that have been enacted in most cities for strip clubs. The boobs in our face are no closer than when I’m watching Skinemax at home in High Def.

2) Women are worried that going to a Strip Clubs could lead their husband to infidelity.
* This is the biggest misconception woman have about Strip Clubs. The girls at Strip Clubs are there to make cash. They don’t want to sleep with me, they want to milk me dry of cash and go home to their white trash boyfriend. It’s a business transaction to them, not love or intimacy. The strippers are actually my wife’s friends, because they are just keep me entertained until I can run home to my lady. And trust me, being in a Strip Club is much safer (for the worrying wife) than being at a normal bar. There are plenty of chicks on the prowl at a bar, some even looking for married guys. But a stripper doesn’t care about you, she just wants your $20.00 bill.

This is why Strippers work at Strip Clubs. To make cash.

3) Women think it’s trashy behavior for their guy to go to a Strip Club.
* Women are right, it is trashy to go to Titty Bars. But remember, we’re men. We’re the “less evolved” sex. We’re the same guys who also enjoy football, fishing, Nascar, nachos, burping, farting and drinking cheap beer.

4) Women don’t want their men throwing away tons of money on Strippers.
* This is the first legitimate concern we’ve addressed. Strip Clubs are damn expensive. Lap dances are usually $20 a piece. Beers cost $5 plus. And mix drinks and shots can be $8 to $10 or more. So a long, active night in a Titty Bar might cost a few hundred dollars a person. So it is a problem if a guy is hitting the Strip Clubs a lot, because that’ll drain the old joint bank account. But as long as it’s an occasional visit, then I think the guy is entitled to spend a little cash. It’s no different than a woman buying an expensive purse, jewelry or shoes.

5) A wife or girlfriend feels hurt that they aren’t “enough”. Their guy needs to look at other naked ladies.
* Again, it has nothing to do with you. We love our ladies. It’s just something that’s engrained in our simple, little minds. We like tits. Whether we’re on the beach, at the lake, at the gym or out at a bar - we’re going to check out other girl’s breasts. That doesn’t mean we like those girls, we just have to look. It’s like breathing to us, only instead of air - it’s breasts. So naturally going to a Strip Club on occasion allows us to see some titties. I’ve often said that it doesn’t matter how spectacular a wife (or girlfriend) is, at some point a guy wants to see some “strange”. And if looking at some boobs, means we’re going to be happier in our own relationships, then I think it’s worth it.

6) Women don’t like their husbands coming home covered in cheap perfume and glitter.
* This is a legitimate beef. I don’t like coming home with glitter on my face either. They should pass an amendment that limits how much perfume strippers can slather on their bodies. And bans glitter entirely. Although, the perfume may be a necessary evil because I cannot imagine how gross it would be to have a stripper with B.O. dance for you.

And the biggest thing in support of Strip Clubs, is the piece of mind they offer the “little lady at home“. Strippers are there to make money…not to try to pick us up. Only once did I ever have a stripper try to “pick me up” and really she didn’t pick me up. She just asked a lot of questions about what type of car I drive, how expensive was the watch I was wearing, where did I live and what did I do, etc. Basically she was sizing up my net worth to see if I was worthy of more from her. Whereas when I was single, I picked up plenty of girls in bars. And I’m not even good looking. Which just shows you that there are just a ton of women out there in bars who are on the prowl. So maybe that Gentlemen’s Club is really a safer environment after all.

But this is not to say to lock your man in the house because it’s not safe in bars. Your boyfriend or husband is fine going to bars. It’s just to further prove that Strip Clubs are not something to be hated, as they actually serve a valuable purpose. We get to go have some drinks and laughs with the boys, around other women…and you don’t have to worry about us.

That’s it. It’s just that simple. Women do not need to worry about their man cheating if he goes to a Strip Club.

Wow, all this talking about Strip Club’s makes me think I need to make a quick stop by.

Here’s a look at what type of guy goes to a Strip Club.

Rules for a Bachelor Party

So you’re a lucky guy and you are getting married. Congrats. It’s a wonderful step in a person’s life. But before you get to the altar on that big day, there’s one important step you gotta take first. The bachelor party. Today I’m here to go over some of the most important rules for Bachelor Parties. These are the guidelines you should follow when planning a bachelor party or attending a bachelor party. They are words to live by. Below provides some Bachelor Party info, some Bachelor Party ideas and some Bachelor Party locations.

Rule #1- All married guys should have a Bachelor Party. If you don’t, you will regret it the rest of your life. It’s like a rite of passage that needs to occur for every guy who’s about to commit himself to one woman for the rest of his life. It is plain selfish and wrong for any woman to make a guy feel guilty if he has a Bachelor Party. If you don’t like that your dude is having a Bachelor Party, just bite your lip and accept it. He might not like what you are planning for the wedding, but I guarantee he’s not saying anything to you about it. So be reasonable ladies.

2) Strippers should always be part of the plan for a Bachelor Party. When the groom says he doesn’t want them, that’s just him talking nonsense. Unless he’s got a past conviction on his record for assaulting a stripper, then have some ladies around. If not for the groom-to-be, at least do it for the other guys in attendance. The groom can always avoid them, but you don’t want to spoil the time for the rest of the guys. And having hookers is not the same as having strippers. Strippers are paid to show up and dance and maybe do a few shots of Cuervo. Hookers are paid to show up and fuck guys. Big difference. If you are planning a Bachelor Party and are considering hiring any hookers, you need to check that out with all of the other guys first. Because the point of a Bachelor Party is to have some fun with friends, not to ruin anyone’s marriage.

3) Don’t invite random guys. The guest list for a good Bachelor Party will be the top 6 to 12 friends of the groom. That’s it. You don’t need to include the groom’s 3rd cousin Wally from Cleveland, because that just makes it awkward for everyone. Remember, this is about having a great time with friends - so you don’t want to invite guys who don’t mesh with the group. And never invite too many guys. Keep it to close friends. If you’ve got to invite a lot of work buddies or fringe friends then do two bachelor parties. A local one where you invite a big number and a more exclusive one with close friends. Do not ever invite any work associates of the bachelor that he might be embarassed about his actions in-front of later.

4) Don’t invite any guys who are “Bible Beaters” to a Bachelor Party. I’ve got nothing against Christians, but there is a time and a place for everything. And if some guy is likely to be offended by a lot of drinking, smoking, cussing and female nudity - then he doesn’t need to be at a Bachelor Party. I heard about a Bachelor Party where they pulled up to the Strip Club and some of the guys decided to stay on the bus because they had a moral objection to nude girls dancing. Try to convince me that wasn’t a downer for the other guys, and the groom, to see some guys sitting on the bus reading the Bible. Having a person with too high a moral compass is going to negatively affect all of the other guys, so you have to not include them in the Bachelor Party.

5) Don’t ever invite the Father of the Bride. Or anyone on the Bride’s side of the family, unless there’s a future brother-in-law you are really good friends with. This advice goes against a lot of tradition, but no matter how many times I’ve heard someone say their future father-in-law is really cool…I’ll never be convinced you don’t have to mind your P’s and Q’s around the guy. And Bachelor Parties are not about minding one’s P’s and Q’s. They are about getting buck wild with friends. Some stupid decisions are going to be made, and you don’t want the father of your future bride there to see it.

6) Don’t ever invite guys who “don’t like strip clubs”. Just don’t do it.

7) Unless they are there to dance, serve drinks or deal cards then women should never be invited to a Bachelor Party. Some people have a close female friend, who is a friend of the groom or bride, that they want to invite. But I don’t care if they are his long, lost cousin or his lesbian friend…Bachelor Parties should be guys only.

8.) If you are going to travel for a Bachelor Party, then Vegas or New Orleans are best destinations. They offer plenty of the four essential elements: great food, lots of booze, gambling and ready access to naked chicks. A couple of other interesting locations you might select are Cancun, Mexico and Ibiza, Spain. If those destinations aren’t possible, then I suggest renting a house on a nice lake or beach. Setup some outside activities like golf and/or fishing. Make sure the house is stocked with lots of food and booze. And have a couple of tables setup for some late night Texas Hold’em Poker. We did this for one of my buddy’s bachelor party and it was a great time. But you need to make sure there is at least some activity planned where the guys can ogle at some women. Get out to a local strip club, or bring in some talent. Guys in a lake house will get stir crazy hanging out with just a bunch of dudes all weekend.

9) Guys who attend a Bachelor Party should never complain about the cost of things at said Bachelor Party. If you agree to go, then you are in for whatever it takes. That means if you have to pony up to for more beer, to hire a stripper or to bail the Best Man out of jail - you are on the hook for that cash. If you are “on a budget” or can’t afford it, then don’t go.

10) It’s a good custom to plan one nice meal at whatever location you go to. It’s a nice time for everyone to get together and share some good food. Plus, it ensures that you’ll have at least a couple of hours away from the strippers and gambling.

11) A Bride and Groom should never plan to have their Bachelor Party in the same city. I’ve heard of couples who both did their parties on the same weekend in Vegas. Bad idea. Yeah, Vegas is a big city - but you can be sure at the one moment you don’t want your future wife to see you, she will. There’s a lot of space on this Earth, use it for your Bachelor Party and get far enough away from your lady to feel comfortable.

12) If you are the Best Man, make sure you stock the room with booze. Whether you are going to Vegas, New Orleans or anywhere else - you want to have plenty of booze in the room for pre-partying and late night drinking. And always overbuy, because it’s better to have too much than not enough.

13) The Groom-to-be needs to explain to his fiancee, before he leaves for the Bachelor Party, that his cell phone will be for emergencies only. She should either not call or always call the Best Man’s phone first. The guy is on his Bachelor Party, which is meant to celebrate his single life transitioning to a life with the woman he loves. Don’t be a bitch and make him spend his whole Bachelor Party on the phone reassuring you that he does “love you” and that he isn’t really having any fun. And same rule applies for any pussy whipped Bachelor that want to spend the whole time on the phone with their fiancee - you take away his phone. Arrangements should be made at the start of the Bachelor Party for the Groom-to-be to surrend his cell phone to the Best Man for safe keeping. This avoids any awkward drunk dial incidents, where the Groom gets bombed out his mind and calls his old high school girlfriend to tell her he loves her. It also prevents him from entering the “digits” for any strippers who might dance for him that weekend.

14) Children should never be brought to a Bachelor Party. Just a bad idea on many levels.

15) Never leave a man behind. A Bachelor Party is usually 24 to 48 hours of non-stop drinking and partying. So a lot of crazy shit can happen. But no matter what, don’t leave a man behind. We were at a Bachelor Party in New Orleans and one guy couldn’t physically make the trip home. After we realized he wasn’t up to it, we selected one of the other guys (with a flexible work schedule) to stick behind with him and fly back on Monday. Another time in Vegas, we couldn’t convince one of the fellas to leave the Crazy Horse II when we were all ready to go. We wound up sending another guy back to get him (and his ATM card) a little while later. Again, never leave a man behind.

16) What happens at a Bachelor Party stays at that Bachelor Party. It’s perfectly acceptable to reminisce with your buddies later about some of the funny shit that happened. But you don’t come home and tell your wife, girlfriend, children, neighbors, co-workers, parents, cat, dog, hamster or psychiatrist about the Bachelor Party. There is something called Guy Code that prohibits you from revealing information about a Bachelor Party to those who were not in attendance. Don’t be a snitch.

So why do guys have to have a Bachelor Party? Because it’s a chance for them to get together with close friends and blow off a little steam. The groom doesn’t have to nail a stripper, and no one has to go to the hospital. But you should plan something that allows everyone to let their hair down a little bit. Because Bachelor Parties don’t come along everyday. So they are something to be cherished. And a tradition to pass down from generation to generation. A good Bachelor Party will create a lifetime of good memories.

Should your fiance hate that you go to a Strip Club?

Who I want to have sex with right now…

My wife is in Las Vegas this weekend, laying out in her bikini, sipping drinks, and hopefully getting a few looks from the opposite sex. Call me crazy, but I like it when other guys check out my wife. I’ll check out their wife and think nothing of it. I can’t imagine the thought of being the only one that finds my wife attractive.

Anyways, enough with the small talk. The point is she’s on vacation and I’m not. I’m stuck here having to drum up some skin on the Internet, while she’s probably got 100 horny guys within 100 yards in every direction.

Assuming the guy is worthy, she gets the free pass. Who do I consider worthy this week?

Odd choice? You might think, but Dwight Schrute is more loyal than a labrador and his sense of humor is underrated. Any gal would be lucky to have him, and who am I to deny my wife pleasure.

As for me? I’m a sucker for the olive skinned ladies. She’s a relative newcomer, but Maria Menounos made a beeline for my heart. Great rack, tight ass. I think I’m in love.

More Maria