Suffering From Tiger Withdrawal?

Or even if you’re not, it’s probably a good idea to get know some of the rank and file on the PGA Tour.  So many of these guys seem to run together - they’re all pleats and polos and yawn.  I thought I’d give a few reference points, some look alikes, to help you remember who’s who.  Again, these are the lesser known guys.  We know Tiger looks like Ruthie from the Real World, Jim Furyk looks like that muppet eagle, Nick Faldo looks like Harrison Ford, and Ernie Els looks like a sea bass.

Bob Tway, winner of eight PGA events, including the 1986 PGA Championship, where he famously holed out from a bunker to clown Greg Norman.

I’m sure he won’t mind the comparison to Dirk Diggler, but let’s not carried away, Bob.  Hard to believe, but neither man is wearing a wig here.

Tag Ridings, winner of not just a whole lot.  But look at this…

Is Tag holding a bobblehead of Dwight or Dwight holding a bobblehead of Tag?

Carl Pettersson, winner of two PGA Tour events…

And good old loveable Uter from the Simpsons.  That’s uncanny.  You know Carl would trade that trophy for a bag of cookies.  Chocolate cookies.  You can almost see the permanent brown ring around his mouth.

Rory Sabbatini, winner of four PGA Tour events.  Not necessarily lesser known, though he’s known for the wrong reasons.  See:  Being a giant asshead.  Anyway…

Rory is an RBOGH - Rare Breed Of Giant Hobbit - unlike Bilbo Baggins, pictured here, who is your standard Hobbit.  You want proof?  He dines on live, full sized kangaroos.  Everyone knows RBOGHs eat big roos.

Paul Goydos, winner of two PGA Tour events.  Great guy, but…

He looks just like a weeble wobble.

2008 US Open - The Grades

What an amazing tournament.  The grades…

Tiger Woods - A

It says a lot about the current state of the internet (and media in general, I suppose) that for as many people who praise Tiger for playing through the pain, there are at least as many calling bullshit.  It’s trendy to be bitter and cynical and play the devil’s advocate.  I’ll be the first to admit, Tiger has a flair for the overly dramatic.  And I don’t just mean canning putts on the 18th hole.  When he gets sand in his eyes after a bunker shot, he acts as if he’s been maced.  When he needs to hit a big draw or cut, his finish is comically exaggerated.   When he misses a putt, even early in a tournament, his knees buckle and he grimaces.  And so it came to pass at Torrey Pines.  Before he got his pain meds figured out halfway through Sunday’s round, he was doubled over half the time.  Was he in pain?  Of course.  Probably a lot.  Would someone else in the same situation have reacted the same way?  Hard to say, but I don’t think anyone else would have been more theatric.  What gets lost in all these discussions is that he won the US Open.  Forget his knee.  He won.  Tiger himself stated people play in pain all the time and his pain is no worse than anyone else’s.  Remember the crazy putts he made.  Remember the shorter putts he had to make.  Remember how quickly he made you forget about Lee Westwood.  Mostly, though, take this away:   Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open for his 14th career major at the age of 32. 

Rocco Mediate - A

Speaking of cynical, I was skeptical of Rocco’s act.  After watching him handle himself on the course and in interviews over the past three days, I bought in.  Sure, he’s a little annoying.  The happy go lucky, over the hill, paunchy, fast playing thing got beat to death - and it’s not completely his fault.  Unlike other sports, golf suffers from a lack of distinguishing characters.  When someone doesn’t act like Davis Love, he is likened to Hunter S. Thompson.  Case in point:  Woody Austin.  Bend a putter over your head, say Tiger is human, and fall in a pond (over the course of 11 years) and all of a sudden you’re a raving lunatic.   Anyway, Rocco played out of his mind.  His putt on 15 in the playoff after Tiger hit that inhuman fairway bunker shot should be considered the best punch ever thrown at Tiger.  Bigger than May canning that putt on 18 at Valhalla.  The course set up couldn’t have been any better for him on Sunday and Monday.  Add 400 yards, which they could have, and the tournament would have ended Sunday.  Rocco fits the mold of the best Tiger challengers through the years.  It’s interesting that the guys (Bob May, Chris DiMarco, Rocco) who supposedly have no business playing the same tees as Tiger are the ones to give him the most trouble. 

Phil Mickelson - C-

You can want something too much - and Mickelson did.  It’s hard to win a golf tournament on the longest course played in major championship history without a driver the first two rounds.  Regardless of what all the sycophants say, he doesn’t need  that many wedges.  He just doesn’t.  You can open or close a club face.  Especially when you’re one of the two best players in the world.  It’s hard to knock a hall of famer who has won 34 tournaments and three majors before the age of 40.  But he’s just so unbelievably full of shit.  He begs to be questioned.  He’s either playing two drivers or no drivers or seven wedges or predicting the Superbowl winner in August or growing a full inch at the age of 38.   Is Mickelson ever going to win a US Open?

Torrey Pines - A-

The USGA went easy on ‘em.  Or easier, anyway.  I thought it could have played more difficult on Sunday and/or Monday.  There were loads of red numbers on Sunday, however very few among the contenders.  I thought the 14th was a joke Sunday and Monday.  I like a driveable par 4 as much as the next guy.  But 267 yards?  That’s a bunt three wood for most of these guys.  Overall it was a great test.  They won’t say it, but the USGA’s goal is to have the winner post Even for four days.  They missed by a shot.  Not bad.

Tiger’s Knee - C

I’ve had two surgeries on my left knee due to cartilage issues.  The first time I had the microfracture procedure - same as Greg Oden and Amare Stoudamaire.  They drill holes in the problem area on your knee to encourage blood flow which, ideally, turns to scar tissue and acts as a cartilage substitute.  This is invasive and takes six or seven months to rehab and get back to normal.  You’re not guaranteed anything - cartilage issues are a real bitch - they don’t go away.  There’s no blood flow, it doesn’t grow.  I’ve also had a simple scope.  Which is what Tiger claims to have had - I was walking without crutches 24 hours after the procedure - played golf a week after that.  I’ll be the first to admit that I’m in better shape and more mentally tough than Tiger (and we’re about the same age), so I’ll spot him a few days.  But I do know this:  Tiger did not just have a scope nine weeks ago.  He didn’t have microfracture or carticel (where they harverst cartilage and grow it in a lab and put it back in your knee - that rehab is more extensive than microfracture) because that would have cost him the rest of the year.  He’s obviously experiencing some serious problems with that knee.  Did he do permanent damage this weekend?  Nah.  He surely delayed his recovery period.   I’m guessing the doctors will tell him running five miles a day is about the worst thing he can do for it.  He’ll start riding a bike pretty soon.  Probably with Lance Armstrong.  Unless technology finds a cure, Tiger will deal with pain in that left knee for the rest of his playing career.  It does not bode well for his longevity.  His appearances will dwindle even more.  A different way to let the legend grow, I suppose.

Congrats to Tiger Woods on 2008 US Open victory

A valiant effort by Rocco Mediate, but that was one of the finest wins in Tiger’s illustrious golf career.  To overcome the knee pain, stay focused and win against a competitor who just wouldn’t fold, simply superb by El Tigre.  Like Michael Jordan after he defeated the Utah Jazz in the NBA Finals while playing with the flu, Tiger now too has an incredible story of upcoming a severe ailment to win at the highest level.

Not only is it his 14th major tournament victory, but he gets to go home to his wife Elin Nordgren.

Winning 14 majors is pretty good, but being married to Elin is excellent.

2008 US Open - The Preview

Let’s give Tiger and Phil the benefit of the doubt and declare them favorites 1A an 1B.

The build up has been intense, especially since the pairings were released.  In the past month, Tiger has played very little golf and kept to himself.  Mickelson won the Colonial and, more impressively, claimed to have grown an inch thanks to a new stretching routine.  Seriously.  Can’t you just see Tiger reading that on his couch in his mansion and saying to no one in particular:  “Sweet Jesus, he’s more full of shit than I thought.”  Mickelson’s bullshit aside, we’re at a really good point in time for professional golf.  Mickelson has siginficantly widened the gap between himself and third in the world rankings and at the same time cut into Tiger’s giant lead.  Right now, more than ever, it’s Tiger and Phil and everyone else.  Speaking of everyone else… 

Five (Others) Who Can

Vijay Singh - There have been only a handful of major champions over 45.  Granted, Vijay at 45 is in better shape than just about everyone over 30.  He still lives and dies with the putter, though his ballstriking clearly isn’t what it used to be.  His nine win, 2004 campaign seems like a decade ago.  Finished a shot out of the playoff last week.  Has been good, not great, so far this year with three top-3s and nine top-25s in 13 starts.  He’s still plenty long to handle Torrey Pines.   He’s never bought into Mickelson’s bullshit (which is why old Coach likes him so much) and he’s the only player this century to dethrone Tiger.  Mental toughness is never an issue.

 

Padraig Harrington - Paddy has been solid since his victory at Carnoustie last year, including a T5 at Augusta two months ago.  He also finished a shot out of the playoff last week.  Not the longest hitter in the world, he hits it straight and doesn’t mind major championship pressure.  When he gets hot with the putter, there aren’t many better.  He has a spotty record in the US Open, with as many missed cuts as top tens (four).  However, his record in the Open Championship going into last year’s tournament was worse. 

A European has to win the US Open sooner or later, right?  It’s been 38 years.

Paul Casey - Only one top ten on the US tour this season.  His US Open record is blah - one top ten - T10 last year at Oakmont.  However, one thing stuck out about that tenth place showing - the low round of the tournament: a 66 in absolutely brutal conditions.  If the wind blows and the fairways dry out over the weekend, Casey can handle the difficult conditions.  The only other time he’s played the weekend at a US Open was 2006 at Winged Foot - where he finished 15th in equally brutal conditions.  He likes it difficult.  And he’s plenty long.

Bubba Watson - He’s played in a total of four majors, with two missed cuts, a 20th at Augusta this year and an impresssive T5 at Oakmont last year.  Bottom line, the longer they make the course, the better chance he’s going to have.  Do I think he has the mental toughness to get it done on Sunday?  Not exactly.  However, I didn’t think Cabrera had it in him last year.  Or Immelman or Zack Johnson, to name a few other recent first time major winners.  Plus, Bubba plays with Tiger all the time, including practice rounds this week.  That’s worth a shot a side right there.

Crazier things have happened.

Geoff Ogilvy - Derailed the Tiger train at Doral this year.  No reason he can’t take Him down at another of His favorite tracks.  He’s long enough, he’s been there before, and he’s crafty from the rough - a must at US Opens.  Adam Scott gets more press, but Ogilvy is the best Aussie on tour right now.  Unlike a few of my other selections, a win by Ogilvy wouldn’t be a surprise.  And that’s saying something at this particular US Open.

Five Who Can’t

Ernie Els - Sadly, Ernie is becoming a regular in this section.  He did win at the Honda earlier this season, but it’s been mostly bad for the Big Easy, missing the cut in four of eight starts on the US tour.  Still prone to the big miss left.  Things haven’t been right since the knee injury.  Have we seen the last of Ernie competing at a major?

Adam Scott - You don’t win the US Open with a broken finger.  I’m not sure how you play in a US Open with a broken finger.  One nasty lie and this could be a WD for young Adam.   The advantage to withdrawing is he’s less likely to get trampled by the masses following Tiger and Phil.

Jim Furyk - Simply put, the course is too long.  He’d have to be playing his absolute best and 2008 has been a season to forget for the normally consistent Furyk.  His scoring average is almost a full stroke higher than 2007 and, accordingly, his world ranking has dropped all the way to tenth.  Keep in mind he was second in the rankings this time last year.

Sergio Garcia - Sergio hasn’t received much love here at DontCostNothing.com.  All the game in the world + awful attitude = no majors.  He’s thrown shoes and spit in holes and blamed everyone but himself along the way.  Yes, the banana in the mouth of the monkey on his back fell out with the Players victory last month.  But the major monkey remains in place.  He’ll win one some day - it’ll be a British Open and he’ll need a four shot lead going to the back.  The US Open tests patience.  And for all his talent, he still hasn’t figured that part out.

Kenny Perry - One of the five or so hottest players in the world, an American no less, is skipping the US Open because he doesn’t like Torrey Pines.  Wow.  If I’m Paul Azinger, and every day I thank the lord I’m not, I’m not chomping at the bit to have a guy on my Ryder Cup team who opts out of qualifying for a major in his own country.  Boo.

Tiger and Phil - Paired at Torrey Pines

Tiger and Phil (along with ‘also ran’ Adam Scott) will play together in the first two rounds of the US Open at Torrey Pines, which starts Thursday, June 12th.  The actual tee times have yet to be released.

Mike Davis, the senior director of rules and competion for the USGA, told AP the following:

“Why not put them in the same wave?  The heck with what TV wants. Let’s do what we want for the championship.”

Bravo, Mr. Davis. 

Despite that picture, everyone knows Tiger and Phil aren’t best friends.  Both have had a ton of success at Torrey Pines, dating back to their junior golf days.  This is too good. 

Much more to come from DontCostNothing about next week’s US Open. 

 

Sergio Garcia finally gets something right

Sergio Garcia has fallen won a Major…er, wellit’s almost a Major and probably as close as the young Spaniard will ever get.  Sergio made a par on 18 in regulation to find his way into a Playoff and then made a beautiful birdie on #17 at TPC Sawgrass to win the The Players Championship.  The tournament is commonly referred to as the “Fifthmajor” so I’m going to give Sergio partial credit on winning a Major golf tournament, because it’s probably as close as El Nino will ever get to one.

I will give Sergio genuine credit for one thing, at least he was big enough to give credit to the real reason he won the Players Championship.  Sergio said this following his victory, “First of all, I want to thank Tiger for not being here.“

Enjoy your trophy from the TPC, because Tiger will be back in the field at Torrey Pines.
(Photo courtesy NYDailyNews)

No shirt, no shoes…just golf

I feel for you if you’re not a John Daly fan, because the guy has character. How many other pro golfers, or pro athletes, would play a round of golf with a reporter…and not put on their shoes or shirt?  Dennis Rodman?  John Riggins?  It’s gotta be a pretty short list. 

 How many “cold ones” do you think Daly had before filming this piece?

Hottest Chick on new Big Break Hawaii?

The Golf Channel is doing another edition of their Big Break golf challenge from Hawaii.  This one called, Big Break Ka’anapali, features 12 female golfers competing for an exemption to an LPGA event.  The winner also has all of their entry fees paid for the LPGA mini-tour, wins some cash and a BMW.  So it’s a pretty big deal for the ladies competing.  And they’ve brought into some competitors who have extensive college or pro golf experience, including our own Sophie Sandolo.  You’ll remember Sophie from our feature on the hottest female golfers of 2007.

But when I watched the first episode I was struck by something more than their talent.  First, a few of these girls are hot.  Not just golfer hot, but genuinely good look women.  And second the Golf Channel cameras focus A LOT on the tits & ass of the different competitors.  The first competition had a few of the girls stripping down to their bikinis.  Then during the golf challenge there were quite a few tight shots on the breasts of the contestants.  And a few of these girls look to be hiding midgets under their shirts.

This formula isn’t entirely new for the Big Break.  They had a couple of nice looking girls in past seasons.  But for this season it appears they’ve made a big effort to find some of the best looking semi-pro golfers available.  I fully expect to see a guest appearance from LPGA star Natalie Gulbis this season.

So do I recommend checking out the Big Break Ka’anapali?  Definitely.  Golf fans will find the skills competitions fairly interesting.  And even if you don’t like golf, there are a couple of fine looking ladies who make it must see TV.  So which are the best looking ladies on the 2008 Big Break?  Below is a list, in order, of the finest lady golfers on the Big Break Ka’anapali.

**NOTE: I revised the rankings after watching a few episodes.  I reference the original rankings.  But the new rankings are based on what I saw of the girls on TV.**

Best Looking Chicks on the Big Break Ka’anapali:
1. Elizabeth Stuart (original rank: #2)
Exceptionally cute 27 year old from Tampa, Florida.  Did I mention she’s cute?  Plus she lists the Bucs as an interest, so she appears to like football.  Definitely a keeper.  She debuted lower when I first put together the list, but then I kept moving her up.  Finally I realized she’s not just cute, she’s hot…so she truly deserved the top spot.

Elizabeth Stuart

Elizabeth Stuart

2. Courtney Erdman (original rank #4)
Her husband gave up his own golf dreams to caddy for her…how sweet.  26 years old from Cali.  She’s got some fantastic assets.  Jumped from #4 to #2 after watching two episodes.

Courtney Erdman

Courtney Erdman

3. Tina Miller (original rank #1)
Hot blonde 25 year old from Miami, Florida.  Loves to exercise and it shows.  Recently engaged. Has her own website.  I think most guys wouldn’t mind carrying her bag for 36 holes.  Was my original #1, but she got passed up by the two above her.  The top 3 are all VERY close, because they are all really nice looking.

Tina Miller

Tina Miller

4. Christina Lecuyer (original rank #3)
A hot, athletic 26 old Canadian.  Another plus, she’s single and she used to be a bartender.  So it sounds like she’s not afraid to mix it up.

Christina Lecuyer

Christina Lecuyer

5. Sophie Sandolo 
Steamy French sexpot is a bit older than her top competitors, but still very hot for 32.  If you don’t believe me, check out some of her racy nude calendar photos.  She’s most likely to strip down naked to play a par 3 on the Big Break.

Sophie Sandolo

6. Cirbie Sheppard 
Let me start by saying I think this chick might be a little bit crazy.  She wears goth looking golf outfits and is into martial arts and “Legends of Zelda”.  But the 25 year old Californian might also be the most underrated girl on my list.  She’s one to watch as the show progresses.

Cirbie Sheppard

7. Kim Welch 
Exotic looking Californian is 25.  Also listed as single.

Kim Welch

8. Samantha Head 
An English chick with blonde hair, straight teeth, who’s single and plays golf.  Paging English Dave.  Samantha also gets bonus points for having an identical twin, which always is hot.

Samantha Head

9. Adrienne Gautreaux
27 year old from Dallas, Texas.  I’m not usually into curly redheads, but she’s got some talent.

Adrienne Gautreaux

10. I awarded tenth place as a tie between the other 3 contestants.

So now tell me how you’d rank them?

2008 Masters - The Grades

It was anticlimactic.  As much as I didn’t want it to be.  That’ll be the story of the 2008 Masters.  To the grades…

Trevor Immelman:  A 

Can’t say enough about finishing it off after sleeping on the lead three straight nights.  Nobody’s done that at Augusta since Seve in 1980.  Made a lot of clutch par putts and two outside the leather bogey putts - on 1 and 12.  Except for the tugged tee ball on 16, he played it about perfect.  I’m not saying he didn’t hit a loose shot here or there.  I guess the best way to put it is I can’t imagine Tiger doing a better job in the same position, in those conditions.

Did he deserve it?  Definitely.  Was it exciting?  Definitely not.

Tiger Woods:  C+

It wasn’t just the putter.  His ballstriking wasn’t nearly as sharp as it had been earlier this season.  Yes, the missed putts on 13 and 14 stalled the little momentum he had on the back Sunday.  But he never got in touch with the leaders Thursday or Friday.  He was overly cautious, playing too safe.  I understand the course is more demanding now (more on that later), but there were plenty of guys who took it low enough the first two days.  It’s like he knows too much.  Sometimes you just need to step up and hit it.  No slam this year.  Though he’s gaining on Nicklaus’s runner up record.  Only 14 more to go.  So he’s got that going for him.

Phil Mickelson:  B-

Scraped it all week.  Got a ton of good breaks.  The kind of breaks you need to win a big one.  But he was all over the property - and the putter didn’t behave.  It’s interesting that Tiger and Mickelson can seemingly be off form and notch top five finishes at Augusta.  Regardless of the set up or conditions.  While everyone else struggles to break 78.

Brandt “Nips” Snedeker:  A-

Other than the preordained collapse Sunday and the smuggled raisins Saturday, I’d say it’s a week to be proud of for young Brandt.  

 

Go ahead.  Try not to look at ‘em. 

The Course:  B+

When Tiger or Mickelson don’t win the green jacket, which isn’t often, the course tends to get more attention than the champion.  I’m not saying the changes are perfect.  Seems just about every player agrees that the 7th hole is screwed up - it’s way too long.  And maybe the rough could be a little shorter.  And, into the wind, only a few guys can reach 15.  That said, the scores this year were normal.  Everyone seems to forget when Tiger won in 1997, second place was -6.  That was with the course playing under 7000 yards, without rough, in light winds.  This year, with all the hoopla about the US Open conditions, -5 was second.  Jack Nicklaus won at Even in 1966, a year after he won with -17.  Point being, this isn’t a new dicussion, whether or not the course should play easy or hard.  It’s not a simple task, trying to keep up with technology.  It’s a guessing game.  And if the wind didn’t blow Sunday, double digits would have won. 

CBS:  C

Was it me or did that seem like more than three minutes of commercials every hour?  Didn’t even need my catheter.  Maybe it was unlucky timing, but they missed a lot of important live shots.  Nantz was quiet enough.  Verne Lundquist is legally senile.  I don’t hate that.

Masters.org:  A+

Sure, the video kept freezing.  But how can I complain when I get to watch Tiger Woods play Augusta from my desk at work when he’s not even on TV?  Brilliant.  They also caught shots CBS missed - most notably Tiger’s bomb on 11 Sunday.  That was a replay portrayed as live action, if you saw it on CBS.  The live scoring is top notch.  The sound bites were great.  The conversation between Stevie and Tiger from the 15th fairway was an absolute gem.  Tiger waiting for the wind to die… 

Stevie:  “You can’t reach right now.”

Tiger:  “I’m not going  to lay up.” 

Stevie:  “I know.”

———

Bring on Torrey Pines.

2008 Masters - Sunday

Just a quick thought or two…

Immelman’s not just playing against the field.  Augusta has more graves than green jackets… 

1.   There hasn’t been a wire to wire champion in decades. 

2.  Nobody has ever shot four rounds in the 60s, which is mind boggling considering it’s happened at the US Open (year in year out, a much more difficult task) - twice. 

3.  Balls don’t stop short of the 15th green.  That’s the luckiest break I’ve seen in a long, long time at a major.  That ball goes in the water, he’s got a lot of work to do for double.  But more important than the strokes lost would have been the trauma of it all.  See:   Justin Rose on Friday on the very same hole.  His tournament ended in 57 seconds.

4.  The weather is brutal today.  20mph winds + Sunday pressure + Augusta’s greens = potential for a big number on every hole.

Despite all that, and the experts giving it to Tiger, Immelman holds the cards.  He shoots under par, a monumental task, he wins.  If he doesn’t…

Snedeker.  Extemely likeable.   No chance.  He’ll be the happy little anecdote of the 2008 Masters.  I like the guy.  Maybe he’ll get a green jacket in five or ten years.

Flesch.  Fits your journeyman role.  No chance.  He wins this year’s awful taste award.  Can his sponsors get him one article of clothing that didn’t come off the rack in 1993?  Just happy to be here.  In his overly pleated pants, stiff hat, and long sleeved short sleeve shirt.

Casey.  Maybe.  Been here a few times - kinda.  Winds are the norm on the Euro Tour.  Capable of shooting good rounds in very difficult conditions.  Sunday pressure, however, is the x factor.  It’s one thing to be a threat.  It’s another to have the lead or a share of it standing on the 12th tee Sunday in a monsoon.  Nevertheless, I like his chances.

Tiger.  He’s gotta be thinking 67.  Unless it becomes apparent early that the course is nearly unplayable.  {As this goes to press, the guys playing right now are handling it okay, nobody worse than +1.  But the winds are supposed double in an hour or so.  And most of the guys have only played a few holes.}  He’ll be leaderboard watching very, very closely.  In the third to last group, every single thing he does, good or bad, will be known by the last four guys. 

They won’t need to see the leaderboard to know what’s going on.